8 Simple Rules for Being a Marauder's Son
by B-A-HPlova22
Summary: Woo-hoo! My first COMPLETE fanfic. A short little story, involving MWPP in the good ol' days. The title says it all, I'm sure you can figure it out. Just click and read, already! PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Sirius Rules

This is a story that my mind came up with (without my permission, may I add), and I thought it would be pretty silly. Strong contrast to my other story, mostly because it has a legitemate title. That and it is set during the Marauders' time. Read, enjoy, review please!

**Disclaimer:** The only thing I own in this one is the plot. I got the idea for the story from the American TV show "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter." Hopefully my story will be just as full of laughs. Oh, and contrary to popular belief (popularjust my) I am not JK Rowling, nor will I ever be. _Blahst!!_

**8 Simple Rules for Being a Marauder's Son**

"Hey, James, I was thinking of making a list."

James grinned in spite of himself. "What kind of list were you thinking of, my dear Padfoot?"

Just recently, Lily Evans and James Potter became Mr. and Mrs. James and Lily Potter. Sirius had been their best man, and as such, pulled all the pranks a best man is _not_ supposed to pull (i.e., 'losing' the wedding rings, taking every opportunity possible to mention the honeymoon, etcetera). Now that Lily was pregnant, he had started to come up with a few ideas for that.

At the moment, all four original Marauders were gathered in the living room in James' house. Sirius was lounging on the couch with his feet resting casually on the maple coffee table in front of it, and Remus was sitting on his right. Peter was on the floor, sitting next to the chair James had claimed.

"Oh, you know. A list," Sirius said, absent-mindedly waving his hand.

"Don't be like that Padfoot! Just spill!" He fixed his best friend with his famous 'tell-me-or-else' stare.

Sirius lifted one eybrow. "Alright, alright, cool your jets, Prongs. I was think about making a rules list."

This time Remus chimed in. "WHAT!?! Sirius Black, make a list of rules? Did I miss something? Did the world just end?"

They all laughed but three of them quit abruptly when they saw the manic grin that took its spot on Sirius' face.

"That's right. I want to make rules-but before you start singing 'Hallaluja' on me, listen to what I've decided to call it." He paused for effect here. Opening his mouth wide, he took a deep breath, held it...then let it out, deflating himself in the process. At this point a pillow came flying his way, so he yelled, "PRONGS!!" Prongs, as so called, was looking innocent in his chair opposite his best friend.

"What? You deserved it for leaving us hanging like that. So what's it called?"

"I was getting to that, before you so rudely interrupted me." James raised an eyebrow, as if to sa 'wasn't me.' "Don't even try that. I know it was you. Anyway, this list-right. It'll be called _8 Simple Rules for Being a Marauder's Son_."

James looked at him questioningly. "How do you know I'll have a son?"

"Well, if you had a daughter, you'd be lost. Anyway, this list is more just for fun. What do you say? Are you going to help me, or leave me to compose the thing on my own?" He looked at the other three, waiting for a reply.

"Sounds like fun to me. I'm in."

Peter replied with an over-enthusiastic "Me too!"

Then it was Remus. "I don't think you'd be able to make it _without _our help, Padfoot."


	2. The List Starts Here

**Disclaimer!! **Who is JK Rowling? And why is she stealing all my ideas?!? (If only...) As you know, I'm not JK, none of this belongs to me, so bug off!

Oh, and thanks to **Moonswolf, Prongs-n-Padfoot-4eva, **and** Jessa-L'Ryn**. Great ideas, guys. And although **wolfboy 68**'s idea was quite tempting...I couldn't bring myself to 'split the houses...' That's me, always the one to stick to the facts, or at least try to...er-on with the story?

A/N: Here's where the funny starts-I hope. ; )

**The List Starts Here**

"OK," Sirius said, "Well, I've already got the number one rule--but I'm not going to tell you until you give me the other seven," Sirius sniggered at his friends.

"We could start with a no-rules rule," Remus was now sitting zealously on the edge of his seat, despite his earlier sarcasm. "How about this: 'Never follow the rules. Rules are made to be broken, and in some cases breaking rules is a necessity."

Sirius looked at him for a moment, astonished. This was not something he was expecting from 'prefect Moony.'

"What?" Remus asked, seeing the look on his friends face. "Do you honestly think that after seven plus years you wouldn't rub off on me?"

Shaking his head as if coming out of a train of deep thought. "Yeah, that's good, we'll put that in there." Sirius was taking notes on a parchment he had ready beforehand. "And another rule can be--" He was interrupted before he could finish.

"Ooh, ooh, how about one about animagus? Something along the lines of, 'you have to become an animagus if you want to be a Marauder's son?" Peter put his two cents in, which was, coincidentally, the only sense he had.

"No, that's no good! You make it sound like the kid'd be ostracized if he didn't become an animagus. Besides, that's just unreasonable to ask." James shot down the idea point blank. Peter looked at the floor and gave it a nod, saying, "OK," as he did so.

Everybody sat silent for a while, until a low hiss sounded from Sirius. "_Snivellus_." The others shook themselves out of their trances. At first, nobody seemed able to comprehend what their sneaky friend was talking about, but as comprehension dawned on each of them in turn, their faces contorted to reveal quite ugly faces of disgust.

"Why would you want to put _him_ on the list?" Peter, always the clever one, failed dismally to connect the dots.

"Use your brain, Wormtail." Sirius was rolling his eyes. "And I quote-'Associating with a certain nameless, greasy-haired, hooked-nose snivellus is completely unacceptable and unforgivable. If you want to be friends with said snivellus, it is suggested that you run away and change your name.' End quote." Sirius finished, grinning victoriously.

"Padfoot, that's brilliant! Now I remember why I like you so much!" James was on top of Sirius in a flash, and the two engaged in a friendly wrestling match that only ended when Remus decided to cut in.

"You can't put that on there! That's completely prejudiced, not to mention a blatant threat." But he was grinning madly.

"Oh, come on, Moony, you know you like it! I think being a prefect went to your head!" He turned his back to Moony, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "_Honestly,_ one of the _Marauders_ refusing to insult Snivellus. I never thought I'd see the day..."

"Bug off, Padfoot, you know someone has to at least _pretend_ they know the difference between right and wrong."

"And am I ever glad you're the one to do that and not me! Now, where were we? Ah, yes, Snivellus. All those in favor of inaugurating the Snivellus rule, say 'Aye.'"

The four, as one, chorused, "Aye."

"Now that that's settled, anyone got any more ideas?"

There was silence, and then-

"I can't believe nobody's come up with this yet, it's so obvious." James was looking at the other four, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Lily is going to kill me for this if she ever finds the list-mind you, we'll have to hide it somehow-" He paused, his smile making him look like he was on the edge of insanity, or that he was at least returning from the other side of it. "We have to set a prank limit. Or at least a minimum. We can't have a perfect, rule-abiding, joke-free little Potter running around Hogwarts, now can we? How's this sound-" he related the exact wording to the group.

"That's perfect, Prongs! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because your brain is too slow and can't keep up with mine?" James suggested, and a heavy pillow coming his way was the reply.

"So that's three rules so far," interrupted Remus, ticking off his fingers as he said, "Pranks, Snivellus, and Rule-breaking."

"Nice trick Moony, it won't work the next time." James glared at his friend, well aware that he only did that to prevent him from retaliating and starting an all-out pillow fight. Remus smirked to show his amusement.

"Well, as long as we're speaking minimums here, shouldn't we put in something about detentions? After all, we did some of our best prank-planning while in detention." Sirius was looking at the other three for approval, and they were all nodding at him. "All right. That makes it four down, three to go."

"But I thought you said there were eight rules."

"Wormtail, you are absolutely clueless. I _told_ you, I already have the number one rule down. Don't you _ever_ listen?" Sirius' voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh, I just got another idea!" Here comes Moony to save the day (or prevent the altercation, as the case may be). Everyone averted their attention to listen. "Absolute loyalty among friends is the only way to go. Lying and/or deceiving is not to be tolerated. Reserve those nasty things to be used in regards to rule _Snivellus_." As none of his friends were reacting, he added, "Please reserve your applause and praise for after the show." That seemed to work.

"Perfect, Moony! Can I have your brain?" Remus chuckled at his friend's pathetic attempt at a joke.

"No, Wormtail, I prefer to keep it in my own head, thank you." He shook his head good-naturedly. "So, how about it?"

"I agree. Do you agree, Mr. Prongs?"

James recognized the gesture immediately and followed his best friend's lead. "Certainly, Mr. Padfoot. Do you concur, Mr. Wormtail?" His civil voice gave the entire group the visual of a large, suited man with incredibly short, greased black hair and a matching toothpick moustache. Unbeknownst to them, this visual uncannily resembled a much larger and black-haired form of a certain Mr. Crouch.

Wormtail continued the chain. "Of course, Mr. Prongs, what do you say, Mr. Moony?"

Remus shook his head. This was a ritual within the group. Often, when they wanted to take a consensus of whether each of the Marauders agreed on something, they would start a chain of ridiculously formal and expanded replies of 'yes' or 'no.' He saw no point in stopping it now. "I say that I'm simply delighted! Thank you, sirs, shall we continue?" The other three broke into wide smiles.

"Two to go!" Wormtail reminded happily.

A sneaky smirk slowly made its way to James's face.

Sirius groaned. He knew that look. "What have you got in mind now, Prongs?"

"Oh, just a little something naughty. We can't have my son babbling about this list to a certain-_ahem_-Mrs. Potter, now can we?" Two of the group gaped at him, but on other was sniggering. "What?"

"Mmm, well, I was just noting the fact that you are referring to your future child as your _son_."

"That doesn't mean anything, Padfoot." But he couldn't wipe the smirk off his friends face. He resigned to that fact only after chucking several large pillows at said snickerer.

"Well, what is this idea that you have, dear friend?" Sirius was getting impatient.

"I forgot." More pillows came flying his way. "Oh, that's right, I remember now. No throwing pillows at James. That was it." He let out a short laugh, just before even more pillows were thrown, which was quite miraculous, as James was under the impression that he had all the pillows in his possession. "Alright, alright, I get it. Well, as I was saying before I was so pleasantly _interrupted_-" he glared at Sirius here "We can't have my-er-child-babbling to Lily about this list. So I suggest using up a rule strictly forbidding any mention of the list around her."

"Right, sounds good to me. So that leaves on rule to go. Any takers?" Sirius looked around the room, hoping that one of his companions would speak up. Noone did. As such, they sat in thoughtful silence for another 15 minutes or so.

"This is much harder than I anticipated."

James rolled his eyes. "Wow, Padfoot, a five-syllable word? I was wondering when you'd be getting a dictionary."

After sticking his tongue out at James, Sirius said, "You know what I mean. We've got seven good rules, and it just figured that we'd get stuck on the last one." The others sat for another five minutes, pondering the many wonders of Murphy's Law.

Sirius spoke, yet again. "How about something about grades?" The others looked like they were about to fall out of their seats. "No, no, it's not what you think. I as thinking along the lines of, 'always be the best without seeming to try the hardest.' Not that exact wording, but something that says that you're always supposed to appear care-free? Or something close to it, at least?"

"Possibly..." James started. "But I don't like the bit about seeming care-free. You never know what'll happen in the future, and it might get tough to seem care-free. Nah, I think it's best that we don't put that one in there. What if this kid isn't so good in school? It would make him feel bad."

"I suppose you're right," Sirius sighed. Suddenly, his face lit up with apparent glee. "What about girls?" His smile was no less than scandalous. The others expected nothing less from their so-called 'lady killer' friend. They all rolled their eyes and gave him looks that said, 'of course.'

"So, you're saying that you want a rule that says-in simple terms-a Marauder's son has to be-er-_good with the ladies_?" James supplied for him.

"Exactly. We couldn't expect anything less, what with us being who we are." He grinned happily and said, "Now that we have all eight rules, who's up for the final draft?"

Sirius pulled out a fresh piece of parchment. The group huddled together in the usual mischief-making manner and commenced discussion of the exact wording.

"No, no, that sounds ridiculous..."

"We'll put that at number 5, and _this_ one at number 8..."

"Hey, what about rule number one?..."

* * *

NEXT CHAPTER:

The list, in its pure, true form! (Well, real, at least...) smirk...

...And-Rule Number 1! Yay!

Oh, I almost forgot-**PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	3. This Is It!

**Disclaimer: **-_ahem_- "I own Harry Potter." random voice from the crowd: "Yeah, and pigs can fly." My response: "Two words. _Wingardium Leviosa_." Thus, I convincingly prove my insanity and anything I say turns to complete rubbish. The end. Oh, yeah, and I stole-er-used-a line from _Pirates of the Carribean_.

**This Is It!**

The Marauders looked down at the flabby piece of parchment, marveling at their handy-work.

"I do believe that this is the greatest piece of parchment we've ever enchanted," Sirius said proudly.

"Except, of course, for the Map," James corrected. The other three nodded in agreement.

The thing was quite an ingenious bit of work. They had cast so many protective spells on the parchment, some of them of their own invention, that the only people who would be able to read it were the Marauders themselves and their children or descendants. It would appear in some seemingly-random hiding place for the child to find when he (or she, as the case wouldn't be) needed it most. There had been much argument over that; Sirius kept insisting that it should be found directly before first year, when it could be used for the longest time, but James was adamant in keeping it 'hidden' until the descendant really needed it.

Along with the protection charms, they added the charm they used on the Map. Unless the onlooker pointed his wand at the parchment and muttered the password ('I solemnly swear that I am up to no good'), the list would simply insult or praise the person as it saw fit. Not one of the Marauders doubted the cleverness of the 'heir of the parchment,' and they trusted that he would be able to figure out the password.

Furthermore, (this was James's idea) they placed a Secret Charm on the list. Whoever read the list would not be able to divulge its secrets to any Mrs. Marauder, whether present or future. James's eyes were glinting madly when he suggested this, and the other three knew that there was no way of stopping him-not that they wanted to, they wouldn't want any of their girlfriends finding about this list either.

Sirius pinned the list to the wall, and they all got one last look at it before it vanished; none of them knew where it went, most probably to the best hiding place for the time being. The final list showed in gleaming red letters the 8 rules the group had come up with:

8 Simple Rules for Being a Marauder's Son

8. The Rules Rule

The only rules that apply to you are these ones. As we Marauders like to say, "Rules are made to be broken, so why not break them?" So don't even think about going through school without breaking at least one rule. The only rules you can't break are these. Besides, these are more like guidelines, anyways.

7. Prankers are Rulers

As the Marauders were legendary for their pranks, there is the necessity to continue the tradition. You must pull no less than an average of 1 prank per year. Now, that's only 7 pranks, so there is no reason to not succeed with this rule. Plus, we've hexed this parchment to prank you if you don't get this rule finished.

6. Speaking of Minimums

It would be degrading to find that the descendent of a Marauder failed to receive at least 2 detentions each year. Please do not disappoint us.

5. Rule of Reputations

The Marauders have a reputation of being _good with the ladies_. We see no reason for this reputation to diminish. Do keep up the standards, will you?

4. _Snivellus_

Associating with a certain nameless, greasy-haired, hooked-nose Snivellus is completely unacceptable and unforgivable. If you want to be friends with said Snivellus, it is suggested that you run away and change your name.

3. Code of Loyalty

Absolute loyalty among friends is the only way to go. Lying and/or deceiving is not to be tolerated. Reserve those nasty things to be used in regards to rule _Snivellus_.

2. Secrecy

You are not to divulge the contents to anybody, save your most trusted friends. DO NOT TELL YOUR PARENTS.

1. The Best for Last

The most important part of a Marauder's philosophy is to have fun in life. Never let anybody stand in your way of enjoying yourself, be it an annoying classmate or a threatening dark lord. Live your life to the fullest, and above all, remember-nobody is too scary or intimidating to prank.

* * *

Reviews please? Thanks, and I hope you like! 


	4. Just Right

**Disclaimer:** Erm-who owns HP again? Me? No, that can't be right, I'm too poor to be a billionaire author. Oh, yeah! That would be JK Rowling. Shucks.

**Just Right**

Harry looked down at the worn parchment he had just been reading. At the top, in crimson red ink, was the title: _8 Simple Rules for Being a Marauder's Son_. In the midst of reading it he almost laughed himself into hysterics, and now he was wiping the tears of laughter away from his eyes. He had seen the agonizing that his father and his friends had went through in order to come up with this list; somehow, the list had provided a way for him to observe the proceedings. It depressed him at first, but he soon became lost in the hilarity of it all.

He set the parchment down before sorting through the rest of his parents' things. His Aunt Petunia had sent him to the attic, ordering him to, "Get rid of all that rubbish," and he hadn't refused; he was in desperate need for any kind of distraction these days. He couldn't believe that after all those years with the Dursleys, the secrets to his past were sitting in a molding box in the attic. He shook his head and looked at the array of items around him. The parchment near his hand was the first thing he picked up.

He hadn't expected this kind of distraction.

Harry knew that he had a lot of work to do in order to catch up with the list. He had no problem in the detentions area, but the pranks were something he needed to work on. The fact was, Harry had every intention of fulfilling the list's request to the best of his ability. The last rule was the one that really heartened him. He wasn't going to let Malfoy or Snivellus bother him any longer-on the contrary, he was planning several nasty pranks to pull on them. And as for the prophecy and Voldemort-there was no way he would let that slimeball control him, and the after seeing the list, there came a new light into Harry's eyes. They were practically on fire with determination, a determination to avenge his parents and Sirius, to punish the one responsible for all of his pain. Anyone on the receiving end of that look would know-the dark lord didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of surviving.

* * *

Well, what did you think? I was a bit reluctant to put this chapter in, I thought it might ruin the story, but I couldn't resist. Something just told me to write it.-shrug- If you don't like this chapter, then disregard it, it's not a necessary part of this short story. Don't forget to leave a review and tell me how it was. ;) 


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